Write Long and Deep Enough and The Story Reveals Itself
Today is the last day of Nanowrimo-the month of novel writing. People all over the world are writing away, trying to get 50,000 words on paper. I am not going to make it, with 27,621 words it would be a miracle. Truthfully, I did 2 things which got in the way-I didn’t make the time every day to write and ironically I failed to look at the calendar. Until 8 PM last night I thought Wednesday was November 30. Guess that’s what working at home will do to you!
I wouldn’t have made it anyway. Not technically, but the exercise set me on the right path and totally turned my story on it’s head. I’ve been living this story and writing, sporadically, for four years. During this month I developed a chronological structure, with the places where my previous work will be inserted. So, I know there are more than 50,000 words when I pull everything together.
During this forced march, I wrote with a free hand, plenty of typos and terrible word structure. My goal was to dump the story out on paper. Without an internal editor I found myself going places I had dared not venture before-my childhood and the marriage. I wrote about taking my then husband, in a wheelchair, to his first visit with his divorce lawyer, a man who didn’t trust me and was difficult at times. Rereading that excerpt yesterday I realized I’m writing the wrong story. I’m not quite ready to give up on my original vision, but the better, more likely to be published story is about my struggles to take care of a man with multiple sclerosis-a man I didn’t love but felt obligated to. The marriage, the loss of a dream, the dissolution of that dream paired with the bitter recognition of how devastating this illness was going to be, for all four of us. And, what that means for a woman who wanted a divorce and freedom, but is now bound to care for this man for the rest of his life. That’s the story.
I’m going to sit with this realization for awhile. I’ve got client writing to do this week, so later… when it’s percolated a little I’ll look at what I’ve written. But, I know, as I write this post what I have to do. I remember a women’s conference roughly 10 years ago where I had this moment of intuition, a voice that said to me-write the book. I fought and protested, and wondered what there could possibly be to write about. I knew then the biggest challenge of my life was interwoven with my husband’s MS. But I wanted to live my own life, I was trying to find the ‘me’ who felt lost and surely that discovery was not to be found in his illness?
Walker, this post speaks so much to me. I hate that you missed hitting the magical 50,000 words mark, but love the real win you have gained along the way. I so trust that the story you are now developing will ring truer with your voice and experiences. I’ve slowly learned this lesson with some of the personal essays I’ve written where, from the feedback in workshop, it becomes apparent to me that I wrote “around” what I really needed to say. A favorite comment I once got was that what a piece was missing was me. That was my wake up to dig deeper.
Writing around myself is exactly what I think happened. It’s all good! I’m satisfied with my effort and that’s what counts.
It takes me forever to write an essay because I first dump it all out then start carving away until I get to the real story. I always save my shavings, though – they usually turn into stories of their own. Good luck on your book – I can’t wait to read it!
love it, save the shavings. I do that often too, though every now and then the story flows from my fingers almost complete and ready to go!
Thank you, I can’t wait to see what it’s going to look like!
Powerful post! As I read about the discovery of the story you feel meant to write, I was moved. This is definitely the story to tell. Anyone who reads this post can feel it in your writing already. Isn’t it funny how deep down, we know what we need to write and it’s often what we fear most. I am coming to the same realization (and thank you Barbara for putting words to it) that I’ve been writing around myself for years terrified to go where I know I need to go – hence the reason no other story line has “stuck”! I am so proud of your courage and faith to go there…it’s an inspiration to the rest of us. And, I can’t wait to read your book!
Thanks for the kind words, and thanks very much for the honor you’ve given me with your blog of the month feature. I’m a bit dumbstruck!
I do love writing and the more I do this the better I get and the more fun I’m having with it! Thank you.
[...] Write Long and Deep Enough and The Story Reveals Itself – this powerful post is about discovering the true story one is meant to write and she reveals so honestly with raw emotion how she’s coming to discover her own. It’s a post that moved me given my own struggles with finding my story (and avoiding it) and it inspired me to push through my fears and do what I know needs to get done. [...]
This so powerful! Thank you for writing it. I struggle with my real story, also….raising a child with autism. The heartbreak is still so intense that I have not even begun the process of writing it all down. I admire your strength and conviction!
There is that emotional component to writing memoir that can bring up old stuff or evoke emotions that were previously checked or under wraps… that’s certainly true for me. I wonder if writing some of it, for personal use, would help cope with the heartbreak?
I’m glad to see that I could offer something to others with similar concerns… I write about my personal life sometimes to work through things, but more often to offer up something for others- we all learn from each other.
Thank you for the supportive words.
Such a powerful story. I would buy your book.
Your post reminded me of how sometimes the pressure of a deadline really draws out creative epiphanies which otherwise would remain dormant. I’ve been experiencing it with my musical compositions as of late. Also, I was reminded of a technique I would use when performing classical pieces: Work hard on the piece for a long time, then put it away for a while, and when taken back out, aspects of the piece which previously were hidden become revealed.
Thank you. If I ever get there, I’ll be sure to let you know.
It is interesting what dynamics come into play with a bit of pressure, internal or external.
(Found you via your post on Diary of a Mad Freelancer). This post resonates with me as well. Having learned a lot from my marriage and divorce I feel for certain there’s a story in there. One that I simply need to tell, and another that people need to read.
I look forward to reading your story someday.
Emily,
I’m so glad you came to read more. Thank you.
I look forward to yours as well. I think it’s important to ‘write’ is for our own growth and to share with others in similar circumstances.
[...] Write Long and Deep Enough and The Story Reveals Itself – this powerful post is about discovering the true story one is meant to write and she reveals so honestly with raw emotion how she’s coming to discover her own. It’s a post that moved me given my own struggles with finding my story (and avoiding it) and it inspired me to push through my fears and do what I know needs to get done. [...]
[...] Write Long and Deep Enough and The Story Reveals Itself – this powerful post is about discovering the true story one is meant to write and she reveals so honestly with raw emotion how she’s coming to discover her own. It’s a post that moved me given my own struggles with finding my story (and avoiding it) and it inspired me to push through my fears and do what I know needs to get done. [...]