Snow. Piles of it, glimmering at first, now spoiled.. dimpled with melting drops from the trees, marred by falling branches from a windy day. It’s no linger pristine, but it’s persisting. This has been the snowiest year I’ve experienced since living in upstate New York in the early 1980′s. I live alone so the quiet and sense of isolation are intensified. There is no one around to distract me from myself.
The snow has held me captive. Literally. My car isn’t up to the challenge, a mere 1/2 inch can cause my rear wheel drive car to slide and spin. I live on a private road, hilly and shady… unplowed. I have been unable to drive for much of these past few weeks. I am forced to wait. I wait for help with the shoveling. I wait for road conditions to improve. I wait for someone to take me to the store or other places. Too far to comfortably walk and just close enough to feel that I ought to be able to move about more easily.
Over the last five months my life has taken turns I could not control. Some due to choices I willingly made, some were unexpected events. What I have had to learn and am still learning is acceptance-and a way to be at peace with my situation. I left my job to stay at home and write, knowing I’d have a limited amount of time before needing to find another job. I love the freedom I have and the opportunities for personal growth, rejuvenation, nurturing. Yet, I am not taking the fullest advantage of this time. I know that. I am stuck right now, literally and figuratively. I’m being passive about my present and my future. And, I’m waiting. Waiting for the sun.